The Midnight Journals
by Malinear
Summary: Maria and Liz reflect on things late at night. (completed)
1. Maria

**Disclaimer**: Not mine, I just borrowed them (Thank you Melinda Metz)

* * *

It's been nearly three weeks now. Three weeks and both nothing and everything have happened since the day that we took back control. I mean, come on, it's driven me to pull a Liz and actually write.

Go figure that she's the one who gave me this thing in the first place telling me that the middle of the night would be the best time for me to vent onto paper. I wonder how she knew.

It's 3:34 am on June 2, 2000. Eighteen days after he told me he loved me and then said goodbye. Reminds me of my father...no, I'm not going to compare them. Michael does love me, he just doesn't understand that I don't need his protection...

I remember how much that had shocked me. Not that he did love me, I had to be blind not to know that, but I didn't think that he'd ever actually say it to me. The goodbye part didn't surprise me though. As much as I always want to believe that he's done running, he's still Michael and he still doesn't trust enough to stay. So, like I said, I expected it. But it still hurt.

I wanted to run after him and throw myself at him, beg him to stay. I wanted to hit him for hurting me again. But in the end I just stood there, my mouth hanging open, tears running down my cheeks until Alex wrapped his arms around me and walked me to the car. He understood. He always has.

That was the longest drive home I've ever experienced. We only went a few miles to my house, but we might as well have been on another trek to Marathon. Alex says that I just sort of stared blankly out the window for a while. He came inside and lied to my mother, telling her something about having me a headache and he tucked me into bed. Isabel is a very lucky girl. I'm glad that she at least knows that.

Things were really weird for a while. We sort of fell into our old groups of Humans and Aliens for a few days. Only our group was five instead of three.

The sheriff has been coming around again to see my mom. But I don't mind any more. I trust him now that I know he's not out to hurt Michael and the others. He's not the same Sheriff Valenti that terrified me earlier in the year. He's a normal man who worries about his son and is falling in love with my mother. That last part is fine by me, because I can't remember seeing my mother happier. She deserves someone like the sheriff. Now as to me deserving Kyle as a brother...well, I suppose that we can work on that when it comes up, because it will eventually. I have a feeling.

But seriously, I don't mind the jock all that much any more either. Kyle really only got on my nerves because he wanted answers. Now he has them, though not by the best manner, ask Liz, and he's calming down. He's not such a bad guy...I think he's misunderstood...like Michael and Isabel and Alex...well, like all of us. We're all kindred, whether we admit it or not. But we all understand each other and that's what's important.

But Kyle's been pretty good about everything. He hasn't made a single snide comment to any of us and he hasn't told anyone about what happened. Though I can tell he's itching for a good round of sarcasm. Maybe I'll appease him tonight when we're hanging out with Liz and Alex. I haven't had a good argument in a while either.

Something is coming. I can feel it. Things are going to change soon. I don't know what or how though.

Alex and Isabel are basically a couple again. I think that they might have the strongest bond of us all. Alex didn't step away when Isabel thought she was pregnant with Michael's child. He loved her despite it all, he didn't care if she was pregnant or not. I was hurt by the possibility, even if it wasn't something that they could control. I've been hurt too many times. Maybe it's partly my fault that Michael doesn't understand that I need him like I do. Maybe I've pushed him away some too...

Anyway, they're happy, and I'm happy for them. They should be happy. But I think the stress of playing referee to the rest of us is wearing on them. Things need to change and soon.

Isabel told Alex who told me that Tess hasn't tried to bring up the whole destiny issue with Max. She's been closed off to everyone ever since Nasedo left. She's alone in the crowd too.

From what I hear, no one really sees her outside of school-which is almost out for the year. She will occasionally sit with Isabel at lunch, but nothing alien in nature is ever discussed or alluded to. BR

BR

I can easily imagine how it feels to come home to an empty house though. It's a reminder to when Mom used to be out to all hours of the night with the loser boyfriend of the moment. Thank god she got over that.

Max keeps to himself more now then he used to. He doesn't say more then he has to. Liz broke his heart and he's beating himself up for not stopping her.

I know how he feels...

As for my dear Lizzie, well, she's probably filled up that journal of hers by now. She has to be doing something late at night since I know that she doesn't sleep much anymore.

I know that she loves Max. She claims that's why she left him. But I also know that she wishes that she hadn't done what she did. That girl has got enough pride to send Max home and back. Maybe its time that I talk her out of this destiny crap. She should be with Max just as I should be with Michael and Alex is with Isabel. She knows it, he knows it, and we all know it. But she's being stubborn about this.

And on the topic of stubborn...may I present to you one Michael Guerin. It's almost as though we were back in September before I knew the truth, before we acknowledged that the other existed. He can't avoid me unless he wants to find a new job, but he steers clear of any personal topics. No more deep, heated gazes coming from the kitchen because he doesn't look at me. But I can still see it in his beautiful, dark, pain filled eyes. He's still scared of hurting me. Of losing control when I'm with him.

I just wish that he'd realize that I hurt more now than I ever could if he lost control of his powers again.

I love him too.

-Maria DeLuca  
June 2, 2000  
3:59 am


	2. Liz

It's June 2. I'm Liz Parker and I can't sleep...again.

I keep telling myself that this will be the last sleepless night and that tomorrow I'll get some much needed rest. But I've been saying that for almost three weeks now.

What should have ended as the first peaceful night alone with Max in a long time became a night at home with Maria. Our tears over melting ice cream was anything but good for the soul.

I would have given anything to be able to curl up in Max's arms and just sit and be together. To lay my head on his chest and feel his heartbeat-something that I had thought would never happen after Pierce took him from me. But things kept coming in the way. BR

BR

I felt it for a short while. We were running for our lives and we almost killed ourselves in the process. We were on foot and trapped...the only way to escape was to jump...and we did it. I had never gotten such a rush or such a scare at the same time. Somehow we survived the jump and managed to find our way to the old trailer. And there we rested. I could feel his heartbeat reassuring me that he was really there, that he wasn't in that lab and that we weren't dead. I felt him.

Call me old-fashioned...but ice cream just isn't the same as feeling the heartbeat of the man you love.

We haven't actually talked much about what happened between all of us. Or perhaps I'm the only one. Alex has Isabel, Maria and Kyle are becoming more like brother and sister every day, and Max and Michael have always helped each other out. The only one left to lean on is Tess and I don't see that happening any time soon.

It's my own fault though. I love Max Evans. I do. I can't remember a time that I didn't love him anymore. But I can't stand in the way of his destiny. His mother made that decision for me.

Max is the last hope for his kind and part of that package is Tess. One day he'll see that I'm right. That'll be the day that I die.

I still see Max every day at school, but things are different now. I can see it in his eyes that he's searching for a way to change my mind. I can also see the sadness. It breaks my heart.

I wonder what Grandma Claudia would have to say about the way things have turned out. She knew that there was something about Max from the very beginning. But that was before Tess came along. I wonder if she would understand why I've done the things that I have. I try to tell myself that I am following my heart...even if that means breaking it.

I can't give in though. I've been weak too much in my life, always letting others control my actions. Its time that I do what I think is best. And that's staying away from Max.

But I am weak. I know it. I would go back on my vow at a single kiss or touch. He has that kind of power over me. I can't help it. But until he changes his mind or I give in, things will stay the way that they are. I just hope that I can get some sleep before my parents ask any more questions.

I'm off to toss and turn until sunrise, when I'll be confronted with another day of torture and of temptations. But at least I'm learning a few things from all of this.

I didn't know it was possible to break your own heart.

-Elizabeth Parker  
Friday, June 2, 2000  
4:17 am


End file.
